Oh shit this is a cool song. Like a Dutch version of Jefferson Airplane. Postcards and airplanes made me thinking.. what if you are flying your your TBF Avenger at the Caribbean and all of a sudden you are unlucky to line up with the celestial bodies in a manner that creates a small singularity in your location and throws you 1000 years back in time. How would you send a message to your own time?

I believe that there is extraterristrial life out there. Anyhow the distances and timeframes are so huge that it’s not very likely possible to meet anyone. I donät believe in the “ancient aliens theory” but I think it is possible that people intentionally or unintentionally have ended up in past time and they have instructed the people (who are mistaken to think they are gods) to buid massive monuments that will survive the time and tell to their relatives what happened to them.

Or maybe the ancient people made them to attract future time travellers. As a kind of huge billboards saying “We are here. Please come to visit us”.

I have been planning to send messages to future. How can I make sure they will survive the time. It should be something really colossal. Think about all the ancient cities etc. They were huge but nothing is left today. I might need to write my ideas to stone rather than Internet to be sure that future generations will be able to read them.

Did I say yesterday that I would steal a spacecraft? I didn’t mean it. Might be that I will borrow one, but if they come to get it, they will definitely get it back. I’m not a thief. I’d rather call myself explorer.

Did you know that NASA was seriously planning a fly-by operation to Venus in the past? They were supposed to use a wet-workshop –concept. That means that in space they would convert a used rocket-phase into the living quarters for the trip. That’s quite good idea, since the fuel tanks inside a rocket are well insulated and made of very durable titanium. It’s also cost-efficient since else way the rocket parts would just fall back to earth and burn in the atmosphere. Every now and then they don’t burn completely and some lucky or very unfortunate farmer will find strange titanium spheres in his field.

Last night the sky was offering spectacular sight. I was standing in the chilling autumn night watching how the meteor shower made sky to sparkle. It was amazing, but I’m hoping to see something even more special when I’m on my way.

I’m so agitated but music can relax me. Just thinking about it makes me smile and cry for joy. Sitting alone in my leather couch wearing a tux and having a glass of excellent Italian wine. Inside laughing. People think I’m mad. They do not understand. They will lose.

You can not win a man who knows that everyone is making their own thruth – own reality.

You might struggle in  your life. I watch you fall. I watch you cry. You just see failure around you. I don’t care. I take more wine and smile. In my world I’m the god. No one can be certain so in the end everyne was right. I drink my wine and laugh. What can be better background music to that. Even when I fall I enjoy it. I can not be beaten.

Again I’m repeating myself. I will be something! Most of people just don’t dare. Who dares wins! I will win! I love to be right. You idiots! You will see that I was right! It happens all the time that there is an argument and afterwards no one remembers that they opposed me. I will win and I will humiliate anyone who was against me. I will leave proof of my ideas around the world so that future historiand will see that I knew it but no one believed.

This has been seen so many times in the history. “And yet it moves”. I’m writing this to paper and to the Internet so many times that no one can claim to have discovered that. It was me who found the missing piece to the puzzle with quantum mechanics and newtonian science. It was me who found cure to the ever groving obesity and it was me who composed the best song in the world.

It’s morning again. I would not like to wake up. Now I need to sleep without the medication and that makes all kind of thoughts swirling in my mind all night. I’m not that much worried about which things from my normal life I would miss. Actually I have that calm feeling that sitting alone somewhere speeding through the space will be my normal life. I never really fitted here with my temper and strange way of thinking the life and trying to understand it.

Sometimes I have been worried about how other people are thinking about me. In the end I still think that they would accept me if they understood the same as I did. Therefore the idea of hijacking NASA spacecraft and possibly ruining important experiment does not bother me. Anyhow instead they will get a human guinea pig that certainly will provide them more than just a stupid space probe.

I woke up with terrible headache. I need to get used to this. The oxygen supply will be much lower while I’m sleeping and that is causing this. Now when still at ground the difference is not nearly as big as it will be when I’m up there. It’s still dark outside. Also that is something that I will get used to.

Do you know what Mars 500-experiment is? It’s one of those, where group of people are put in sealed space for a period of time to simulate living in mars. This one is happening in Russia and the test group is getting released next month after spending 520 days in contained space with only the equipment and food available, that they took in when the experiment started. The difference to me is that they were there about 15 times shorter that I’m planning, and that they had 3.9 x 24 m storage module for food. That’s about same size as my whole vessel.

For this test there were more than 6000 applicants from 40 different countries. The selected were mostly Russian. Scientists, cosmonauts, engineers etc. I’m an engineer but I still think I wouldn’t have stood a chance. So how do I think I can get to a space mission with no money and no reason to be picked? There is a company selling space trips and the trip to moon alone costs about 100 million dollars. Cost of mars missions is calculated in billions. As I told earlier, I have a plan.

Strange. When  I got home today a strange circus music was palying. I don’t know how it was picked on the palylist but it was a good remainder of the life. Actually it quite well relates to the things that happened today.

I met a goo friend that I had not seen for a while. It’s so special when the discussions are just flowing from one subject to another so well that you almost miss your train.

Ok he only missed the first train but not the another one. I took a bus home. For some strange reason the announcements at bus were off sync and so were my thoughts. I left the bus couple of stops too early and started to walk towards my home.

Strange stuff was happening in my head. When I looked through the windows I saw shadows glooming. They were not looking at me. They were watching something else. Like there was a fire in every apartment and these people were standing around and did not want to put it out. I kept walking.

Through a window I saw a room full of posters. There was Sex Pistols, The Calsh and other old punk stuff, In the living room window I saw another shadow staring at nowhere. All of a sudden I saw a pale red haired face in the other window. She stared at me and smiled. We spoke a lot with my friend tonight. About life, peopl, love, loalty, everything. This smiling face  must be a reflection of these thoughts. She can not be real.

I have lost two hours. I just came home. The strange circus music is still playing. I can remember a dream. I can remember how I stood with the red haired girl in the sunset. I can remember how we made love and how we still felt the love when we were old. I remember how I lost her and found her again.

It can not be true. I lost wo hours of my life but got whole twenty years of love.

I need another beer.

Something is happening. I’m sleeping restlessy and seeing much more dreams than earlier. Feels like my brain is working much more than earlier. Trying to solve some mystery locked deep in my subconsciousness. Last night I saw a dream about living in a tall building. There was a special small window in my combined kitchen and workspace. This windows had not been properly closed and there had been water coming in and it had caused my desk to decay. It looked fine but when I touched it ripped like a paper.

I have also been hearing this strange music. I’m not musical in any way but this music is haunting me. I tried to sing the melody and sent it to my musician-friend. Let’s see if he can record it. I also saw the melody as different forms and colours in my dream. I woke up in the middle of the night and could get no sleep. I took my iPad and started draving these strange forms down. Yet still I don’t understand what they mean.