It’s funny how this whole thing is twisting my mind. I promised to myself that I would not think this too much. I should live normally and then just do it, when it’s the time. Still I’m noticing how differently I’m thinking about some things, like water. Yesterday I actually enjoyed getting a little wet when walking along the rainy streets. In park I stopped for a moment to look at the water pond and how beautifully light is reflecting from the surface. Later on the only water I will be seeing or drinking is my own pee.

I’m also continuously going through all kind of worst-case scenarios. It might be useful since that way I can be better prepared. Still there are just too many factors that I can not control. I’m seeing nightmares about things that can go wrong. Last night I saw over and over again the same dream, where some kind of leakage was causing fire and explosion. I’m not sure if I should too much think about this, since I’m pretty sure I will not be able to prevent such things anyhow.

Today I spent some time trying to refine my new theory of everything. That will be a simple thery that combines quantum theory with gravitation. Actually I also will try to explain what gravitation is.

it’s difficult to explain because people can not easily understand things outside the three dimensonal world.

Gravity is a force that is equivalent to the object’s distance from 0-level in a x-dimensonal space. I will explain better later. As a hint I can tell that it’s in relation to 1/c.

Obviously my Internet-connection will not be very good on my trip. Actually there is nothing planned, but I’m sure they will connect me when I ask them to. Around Mars orbit, the delay to earth will already be about 20 minutes and it’s getting much worse after that. It should not be big issue. My first experiences about online discussions were at BBS-era. I was using my 2400 bps modem to upload the stuff I got from Internet. Thanks to Z-moden protocol (or something) I was able to chat with SysOp while uploading. Strange discussions about life, death, religion, UFO’s etc. I miss those times.

I’m walking alone in this land of darkness. Dark faces staring at me from the distance. No place to go or to hide. I start running away. I keep running until my shoes have been worn off. I keep running on the red burning surface of this damned world. Then I take one big leap and I rise to the sky. Then I feel free. I feel the cooling breeze on my face. People below seem so small. I feel pity for them. I am free.

How can you tell. First love. Destiny. They always say that you cannot forget the first love. They say that it feels  different because it’s something new. What if they are all wrong. What if there is just one love. There is just one arrow that Amor shoots. You only need to be sure that it really is real love and then stick to it. Maybe there is no second chance.

I fell in love once. Never again I have experienced anything like that. I have met many girls but never something where the imperfection makes it perfect. Forbidden fruit that you cannot forget after you taste it. Something that attaracts you even more when it’s gone.

I met this girl again. You could say it was destiny but it wasn’t. It was a test. After 15 years of walking to opposite directions we met. She was there waiting for me. I was nervous but when I saw her I felt like I had always been there. One night. Endless love. I have not seen her ever since but that made me to believe in real love stronger than ever. This love is so strong that no distance and time chan change it. Twenty years, hundred people and thousand mountains can come between us but the love will not disappear. It stays strong and keeps me going. Until we meet again.

Today a strange thing happened. I was doing my normal afternoon walk in the outskirts of the city when I decided to pop in a restaurant to have a pint. I had walked past it multiple times but never went in. Now I opened the door and noticed that it’s a kind of food place, full of people having dinner. I sat at the bar wearing my Barbour jacket and red Cousteau-style hat. As soon as I sat down, the bartender winked at me and gave a beer for free. He pointed me to the other bartender who also winked. Maybe they mixed me with someone else. No one here should know about my intentions. Anyhow I was getting nervous about the situation so I quickly emptied my glass and left the place.

I spent most of the day relaxing at home. When dusk arrived I was feeling restless and I decided to go for a little walk. I was wandering along the empty city streets and took some photographs about the fascinating play between lights and shadows. Finally I ended up in a pub. Almost the only place alive this evening. So here I am writing and thinking. Not at once has the idea of cancelling popped in my mind. Anyhow I’m quite nervous since it will not be easy thing to pull off. Most of the preparations are now done, but there are still lots of things that could go wrong. Mostly I’m worried about things that are out of my power, but now I’m also quite concerned on how I can do my own part when things are getting tough.

I will start an experiment soon. In fact a serie of them. I will be the test guinea pig.

People are designed to experience the world in stereo. We see, hear and smell in stereo. I will train myself to be more sensitive. I will block my ear nostril and eye first from the left side and then freom the right side. I will learn to combine my senses to survive. That will make me strong. No one kan beat a man who senses the world like I do. That will make me ready. I will go away but then I will return. I will fullfill the prophecy.

How can the stupid science guys be so selfish. Clearly they are just thinking about Nobel-prize and are sincerely not interested in the common good.

It’s trendy now but it’s not a new idea to harness big crowds to help in science. Seti@home gives everyone a possibility to help in finding extraterristrial life. Similar idea would also work in traditional sciences. There is still lots of open questions about the structure of our universe. One of the biggest mysteries is the gravity.

People are not stupid. There might be a truck driver in India who happens to think about this and can form the answer in his mind but no one would listen. Einstein was just a patent office guy. He was not a scientist but everyone now thinks he was. He got famous. The science superstars today are just bunch of selfish assholes who do not like the idea that a common guy would solve a mystery that they couldn’t even when they have used dozens of years and millions of tax payer’s dollars to do this.

I have been working on a theory. I was thinking to be nice and to send it to Stephen Hawking. This crippled dick is saying in his homepage that he is not interested in people’s theories even if they are right. What the fuck! So this guy is saying that unless you are part of the academic community you are not allowed to solve the mysteries of the universe. What a load of shit!

Who needs these stupid professors. they are like priests. They do not know anything more about normal guy but they have elevated themselves to a position that no mortal can reach. They have the connection to the gods of science and they are friends with the editors of science publications so only they are allowed to publish theories about things that no one can know for sure.

Instead of supporting this elite of jerks why would we not start a organization that would be going through the ideas from normal men and women around the world. Even if everyone randomly makes a theory the volume is so large that it’s likely that some of these predictions would hit the spot. I say that we should not give a dime to the sicence idiots and instead we hire people to full-time go through the ideas from people around the world. We could call this team “the Mathbusters”

What will my destiny be? I saw a glimpse of something great. Flying in the sky above everyone. I saw people looking up at me. I saved this world and moved on to save the next.

I know I’m destinied for something great. I will answer the questions that people could ask but did not dare to look for the answer.

I will be the way to the life without boundaries.

My great theories will solve everything. I will fix the flaw in Einstein’s theory of relativity.

I will add it in front of mirror. I will tell you that there literaly is two sides in everything. The stupid scientists thought they are smart but they knew nothing.

Reality is a reflection in the water. Ying and Yang. + and -. There is a force between these two sides keeping them apart. In speed of light these long separated twins will meet and everything collapses. All than is left is the energy. Soul. The fifth dimension.

If you find a stick long enough you can make a ripple in the reflection and change the world.